My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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