he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
