I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Text me some of your sweat
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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