I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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