when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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