is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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