You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
