I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
