I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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