and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
