omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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