The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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