he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
