i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
