Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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