So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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