one two three fourrrrnication!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
