Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
