genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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