you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
