I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He passed out mid-signature
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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