dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
