you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Watching her eat just hurts me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
