You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
