direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
