Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
