Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
