I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
