What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
