You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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