I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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