Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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