is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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