he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
