Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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