i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
