Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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