I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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