stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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