he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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