I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
