Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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