i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
