Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You ruined the universe
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
