Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
