Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
