just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
