champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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