i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
