my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
