my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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