dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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