so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
