I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
