Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
