i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
