im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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