we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize