Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
His hands were made for my vagina.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
