I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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