She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize