he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Your penis caused this!
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