when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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