I met the friendliest cop last night
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Barsexuality is the new black.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
