booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
