I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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