god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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