i think my tv is drunk
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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