I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
