the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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