Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize