Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
