You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
