fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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