Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
