I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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