I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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