see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
